screwed for being nice. no more miss nice gal.

my ics worker came today in the morning and he helped me find more resources for massachusetts housing. i'm not quite sure if i've already applied for this electronically, but it's not on my notes- so he helped me print off a paper application (which was at least 28 pages) and he's gonna help me fill it out next time we meet. then my care coordinator came and we discussed how things are going for my health. then the nurse who fills my anodyne machine came. she asked my care coordinator if he could help me find a job to volunteer for- he said, "well.. that's her job coach's job.. has she been helping you do that?" i said, "um.. i think she helped me apply for the library but i don't really remember any other jobs." so i'm not sure if he can help put pressure on the employment company to help me get a job volunteering? i'm sure that was the nurse's intention on bringing it up because i'm sure she realizes that me being unemployed in minnesota doesn't give me the desire to continue living in this state. the nurse said, "well.. she needs something to do and she absolutely refuses to go to the courage center.." because i even explained to my care coordinator before my nurse even came, that the courage center DOESN'T help me physically because i went there a few times without my wheelchair or walker a while ago and kevin (a physical therapist who works at the courage center) told me not to show up to the courage center anymore without my wheelchair or a walker, i said it's because they want to try to take advantage of their vulnerable clients and keep trying to get as much money as they can out of their unadvocated for and vulnerable clients. i'm pretty sure my care coordinator comprehended what i was saying and i told him that i owed all the credit for me being able to walk to tram holloway and his ARP therapy. then the nurse said to me, "well- can't they do that at the courage center? you're a good person and we don't wanna lose a client." it's kinda unbelievable that she would come right out and be this blatant about it- but i suppose maybe she was desperate and figured i'd forget she said that. so i'm pretty sure that all the other fucking health "care" programs have the same opinion. my grandma always used to tell me how i was "such a good person" and not to let anyone change that but it's kinda fuckin annoying when you're being kept in the same position JUST so health "care" doesn't lose a fuckin client. maybe i should start acting like a bitch, so no one wants to work with me again? i think that's how it was when i lived at my first apartment and i was trying to get used to living independently and wouldn't let people push me around? plus, those particular home health aids were lazy cunts and i remember the reason why my grandma just got sick of the health "care" people CLAIMING they couldn't help her find somewhere else for me to live because of housing shortage. UNTIL i fell off the toilet when some bitch home health aid that was supposed to be monitoring me was TALKING ON HER FUCKING CELL PHONE. so she got her friend carol to help her find the apartment in burnsville. which i ended up getting kicked out of since no one would help me move to a different apartment that didn't have a damn obsessed caretaker. i'm pretty sure that caretaker lost his job after i got kicked out because the other caretaker probably realized that i hadn't had any other complaints against me and the other caretaker was at fault. i stayed there so long that everyone else got comfortable with me living there, so they acted surprised when they found out i didn't live there anymore- like the guy who was taking me back from my appointment last week. so i guess i act too okay with things that i'm NOT okay with- such as housing and going to the courage center. i should start acting like a crazy uptight bitch so that i actually end up where i TRULY want. can't do good for bad or some shit.. whatever, screw all you assholes that seem to try to water me down JUST for your fucking comfort. go fuck yourselves. if i get shit on for being nice and alright with things- i'll just have to be a crazy demanding bitch now. see how much people want to keep me around then. you SELFISH pricks did this to YOURSELF.

and ANOTHER THING..

*AND to ADD to my last post.. PUT YOURSELF IN MY SHOES FOR ONE GOD DAMN SECOND OF YOUR LIFE. AS DIFFICULT AS THAT PROBABLY IS FOR YOU (NOW WOULD ALSO BE A GOOD TIME TO BRING UP THAT STUDIES SHOW THAT PEOPLE WHO ARE MORE EMPATHETIC ARE MORE INTELLIGENT- IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME BECAUSE I AM STUPID SINCE I HAVE A TBI ACCORDING TO YOU- LOOK IT UP!): you're an A student who is involved in sports and you got accepted to go to post-secondary college and you're also ahead in high school credits but then you're in a car crash where your best friend was driving drunk and you're left with a TBI after being in a coma for 6 months and at least 20 some years in a fucking wheelchair for EVERYONE ELSE'S CONVENIENCE, your MAIN advocate dies of lung cancer TEN YEARS AGO NEXT MONTH, and the person who she had so much confidence in helping you get where YOU want just cares about you at HER OWN CONVENIENCE.. AND YOU'RE NOT WHERE YOU TRULY WANNA BE LIVING AND WHERE YOU HAVE HAD THE GOAL OF LIVING AT FOR OVER 20 YEARS. while that person who was trusted to help you get to where YOU wanna be- is just trying to distract you and drag you BACK in your progress in rehab. for HER fucking convenience and to appear "helpful" and "caring". there should be some cell phone videos still on facebook of my rehab. at that GOALLESS WASTE OF SPACE EXCUSE OF A REHAB. PILE to PROVE it because i think elon muskrat may have put them back up. AMANDA- YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY NO HELP IN GETTING ME WHERE I WANNA BE. i've told numerous people this and a few of them asked me if i could get joe to take her place since he pays more attention to me than she does but i wouldn't wanna overwhelm him with responsibility that is more or less intended for AMANDA but it'd be nice to ACTUALLY have someone answer the phone when the emergency room calls them, you never know- i could actually be dying one day and your own mom starts bawling stupidly when they tell her that i'm in the emergency room like my mom did that one time i called her a long time ago (i refuse to call her anymore- if you can't be an ADULT in emergency situations- you have ABSOLUTELY NO BUSINESS even having knowledge of the situation). but SMART ASS.. i mean amanda, TRY OUT THIS EMPATHY THING FOR ONCE IN YOUR SELFISH ASS LIFE. you might gain some brain cells. I'M NOT JUST LIKE CRYSTAL EITHER- WE CAME FROM TWO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT BACKROUNDS AND SHE HAS SUPPORTIVE PARENTS/FAMILY AND SHE'S ACTUALLY HAPPILY MARRIED WITH KIDS WHICH MAKES OUR MINDSETS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT FROM ONE ANOTHER. SO YOU'LL JUST HAVE TO FIND A DIFFERENT WAY TO FIGURE OUT EXACTLY HOW I THINK- SINCE YOU'RE TOO FUCKIN GOOD TO RETURN ANY OF MY CALLS AND/OR COMMUNICATE WITH ME. COME ON! *CLAPS* YOU CAN DO IT SINCE YOU THINK YOU'RE SO FUCKIN SMART AND SINCE YOU SEEM TO THINK I'M TOO STUPID BECAUSE OF MY TBI TO MAKE MY OWN DECISIONS THAT'LL HELP ME BE SUCCESSFUL IN MY LIFE! AND YOU PEOPLE HONESTLY WONDER WHY I WANNA MOVE WITH ALL THIS SUPPORT (*ROLLS EYES*) I RECIEVE AND ALL THESE RESOURCES TO MAKE ME A TRULY CONSTRUCTIVE PERSON (*ROLLS EYES*). WHY SHOULD I STAY IN A PLACE WHERE EVERYONE THINKS I'M A FUCKING JOKE AND MY FAMILY LAUGHS AT MY GOALS AND LIFE? PUT YOURSELF IN MY SHOES.
plus, i don't really get the impression that crystal even wants to associate with me. she only speaks to me because her mom and grandma make her. she lives only 15 minutes away and she's told me a couple times how she has to come over to my place. amy has done the same thing too. have either of them ever been to my apartment once? HELL NO. so that would strike the "friends" defense off your supposed defenses and reasons to remain in this state. try something else.

Don’t even try to look like you’re “helping” anymore.

i woke up almost immediately aggravated with amanda's efforts to "help" me- the biggest reason i assume is because she always assumes that tbi= stupid, mentally injured. I'VE TAKEN SEVERAL college courses NOT in beauty school just learning how to do hair either. she also more than likely assumes that i have the same mindset as crystal, who is also my age and i went to school with her. thing is- crystal was privileged enough to get married and have kids, buy a house, DRIVE HER OWN CAR, and live life WHERE she WANTS (NOT because it's more convenient for her family). did she tell you that her sister hate messaged me on facebook, talking about how she "busted her ass off working to get where she's at today and she was sick of seeing pepple like me that take advantage of the system and get everything handed to them? POIBT IS: I DO NOT have the same mindset as them. I TRY TO WORK BUT NO ONE WILL GIVE ME THE OPPORTUNITY TO. i've been registered with SEVERAL employment sites and i've had a job coach ever since i can remember. PEOPLE WON'T ALLOW ME TO PROGRESS OR BE TRULY ABLE FOR THEIR OWN CONVENIENCE BECAUSE NO ONE REALLY CARES ABOUT ME. NOTHING I'VE EVER DONE ADDS UP TO ANYTHING BECAUSE IT'S EASIER FOR EVERYONE TO THINK OF ME AS A DISABLED BUM. i don't know how much more of this shit i can take.

not hired yet.

okay, my job coach came and brought me to my interview at chipotle. she picked me up at roughly 2:45, i needed her help to grab my school bag because it's so heavy that there's a risk i'd fall while putting it on my back and walking out to lock my door and walk to her car. we got there on time i think and i went up to the counter and said that i was there for an interview and the girl i said it to said that the manager was sick today, so i was supposed to check with them back on wednesday. i'm not sure if i should call the place first on wednesday before going there or just take my chances and go there on wednesday and see when i can get an interview.. i'll probably just call first on wednesday. it feels like this has happened before and my care coordinator is on my calendar for the morning on wednesday- otherwise i'm completely open that day. ah well.. maybe it'll give me more time to study my resume for wednesday but i doubt the actual interview will be wednesday.
and to expand on if a person IS able to work in this apartment.. UNLIKE the burnsville shithole that i was in that a certain grandma's friend's granddaughter basically taunted me with knowledge of how that particular apartment that i used to live in was SUBSIDIZED- so tenants COULDN'T WORK. she only knew that information because her grandma helped my grandma find ME a place to live when i was basically desperate and moving out of my first apartment in minneapolis. tenants in THIS particular apartment ARE able to work- it's the reason why another arrogant tenant of this particular apartment felt the need to bring up and ask if I was employed. i'm thinking she probably has experience with how hard it is to get employed and may have just got employed- so she thinks she's the shit now. God can take that away from her JUST as fast as he gave it to her- my advice to her is: don't get cocky. so MOM- THAT is just ANOTHER reason i'm looking to get employed soon.. NOT JUST BECAUSE WHAT OTHERS SAY- SOME OF US (NOT YOU) HAVE INTEGRITY. we NEED to be constructive and helpful at ALL times or it eats the fuck outta us. jackasses identify and taunt this weakness. you can't pour from an EMPTY CUP.

is it *CONVENIENT* for my family to support me?

i'm speaking to my psychologist tomorrow.. for some reason i kinda figured that i should write my problems in a notebook again in case i forget about them but never ended up doing it because i never gathered up enough motivation to do so. i also have another interview with chipotle, i think it's the 3rd or 4th interview that i've had with them at different locations. the major reason why i don't think people hire me is because someone else impresses them so they hire them because in all of my rejection letters they claim they found other more qualified people or they've chosen to take a different direction in hiring. chipotle in particular may also frown on the fact that i'm not bilingual. don't get me wrong though- i USUALLY can figure out most spanish conversation because of the classes in spanish i took in high school and the many spanish apps i've downloaded. i just hope i can find someone who will actually see my persistance, motivation, and other qualities they might be looking for that they want to hire me for. for my naive mom and the rest of my unsupportive family's information- this apartment/program WILL still house me in this apartment whether i have a job or not. so you really have no reason to be so damn unsupportive of me working a job since i haven't worked in so long- i don't remember any of my family taking notice of my jobs and i remember my mom going outta her way to say my brother was a welder.. i'm pretty sure my grandma did too. i'm pretty sure my mom also proudly bragged about my sister working at michael's foods once or twice. God forbid i get a job and so then she wouldn't be able to get as much sympathy for having a disabled daughter because she would actually be working WITH a TBI (FROM A CAR ACCIDENT) and my mom has a TBI (NUCHAL CHORD) without a job also and she's probably only worked in the fields for my grandpa's sister on her farms and i think the last time she worked was at least 10 years ago. so the rest of my family figure taking the shortcut just to make my mom feel better about herself because WHO THE HELL CARES ABOUT STACY?! SHE DON'T NEED A JOB- EVEN THOUGH IT'S AFFECTING HER MENTAL HEALTH SEVERELY TO THE POINT THERE MAY NOT BE A STACY EXISTING BECAUSE SHE FEELS LIKE SHE ALWAYS NEEDS TO BE DOING SOMETHING OR SHE GETS IN TROUBLE. JUST FOCUS ON THE OLDER BUM SINCE SHE'S USED TO BEING UNEMPLOYED AND NO ONE PAYS ATTENTION TO STACY ANYWAY! that's EXACTLY how my family "cares" about me.. except for joe but i basically just met him like 10 years ago and the rest of my damn family (including amanda who my grandma CLAIMED would "GET YOU TO NEW YORK!" almost every night towards the end of her life) treats me like i'm just a big inconvenience to them and they selfishly refuse to help me or treat me with respect if there's NOTHING in it for THEM. last i checked- FAMILY ISN'T SUPPOSED TO WORK LIKE THAT. i'll check with my psychologist tomorrow but i think she'll agree with me. afterall.. FAMILY is really the only excuse people have for refusing to help me move to the east coast.

don't ASSUME i need help JUST to make yourself feel "useful" *IF* i don't really need it.

in the car today, on my way back from church, fredrick was trying to tell me that i'm not "ready" to live in new york independently because i "still need help" and i said, "well i'm TRYING to get a job but dicks like yourself just try taking advantage of my disability so that they actually have jobs." then fredrick said, "there are other handicap people that i could help if you weren't here." EXACTLY.. yet dicks won't even let me attempt to show people that i'm strong and smart enough to be independent (like getting my driver's license for example, the dicks at the courage center KNOW that if they fail me and just say i need more therapy, i'll keep attending that waste-of-space sad excuse of a "rehab institute" because NO ONE is doing their REAL jobs of advocating for ME and my independence because they'll lose a truly motivated client. i look back at the videos and i attended that shit for AT LEAST in 2012, 2013, AND 2014.. PEOPLE CONVENIENTLY FAIL TO RECOGNIZE THAT. I DON'T NEED "MORE THERAPY"- I NEED BETTER THERAPY WHICH WILL ACTUALLY RECOGNIZE MY TRUE POTENTIAL AND ACTUALLY HELP ME GET BETTER- ADAPTING TO MY POTENTIAL. NOT JUST SOME STUPID FUCKING MACHINE YOU MOVE YOUR LEGS BACK AND FORTH WHILE PUSHING AND PULLING SOME BARS THAT A PERSON WITH 3 BRAIN CELLS COULD OPERATE. guess i'm damned to being a fucking loser because i made one bad decision which nearly killed me (and i'm regretting right now that it didn't KILL ME since NO ONE will give me the opportunity to do ANYTHING that doesn't make me look like some disabled moron who depends on social security). i'm just surprised that i haven't actually ran out on the road in traffic, as much as i think about it. that would end my problems of everyone underestimating me for their own fuckin convenience. KNOWING MY LUCK THOUGH- i'd live through getting ran over and lose everything i've gained in rehabilitation that no one acknowledges anyway. my grandma stupidly put her confidence in someone who is just as naive as her but now she only feels like paying attention to me whenever it's convenient and beneficial to her. maybe i'll just luckily be picked in the jackpot for housing in massachusetts since i'm pretty sure all my applications to apartments in new york housing lotteries- expired or are non-existant because i'm not consistent to keep up with them all. this might satisfy my mom but i hate to tell her the reality of the situation and if she wouldn't be so fucking stupid- she'd realize this just by the amount of contact i have with her- keeping me FROM living HAPPILY in a place where i ACTUALLY WANT to live WON'T magically make me want to associate and/or contact my mommy and/or family who doesn't pay attention to me anyway (so pretty much all my family except joe). when a person grows up- they make their OWN lives where they don't depend on their clingy parents or family.. NEWSFLASH FOR YOU IDIOTS THAT DON'T SEEM TO COMPREHEND THAT. it's shit like this that make me say, "AND YOU MORONS WONDER WHY I WANT TO MOVE.. WHEN YOU DON'T SUPPORT ME TO TRULY PROGRESS IN LIFE." I'M GETTING TOO OLD FOR THIS SHIT. JUST BECAUSE I MAY BE YOUNGER THAN YOU- DOESN'T MEAN THAT I'M A FUCKING SPRING CHICKEN WHO HAS ALL THE DAMN TIME IN THE WORLD. STOP WASTING MY TIME AND LIFE FOR YOUR FUCKING CONVENIENCE. SELFISH PRICKS.

FIRST ONE!!

*claps* i got an application in for an affordable apartment in massachusetts. it'll more than likely take forever to actually get the apartment but you gotta start somewhere. i expected it to be harder to apply to (especially since i'm from out-of-state) but this was relatively easy to enter my name in (i think) the lottery. hopefully the ics can help me continue to apply to apartments in massachusetts by the time we have our next joint phone conversation between the travel-pca and my financial worker which i think is around my birthday. the ics worker assisted me in finding resources and entering in the correct information.

slowly trying to get understood, so i can *ACTUALLY* get stuff done.

so i just spoke to the travel pca and my financial worker. we were discussing what i wanted to all do when i went to new york. i specified that i wanted to look at housing many times and i think the travel pca asked me, "wait.. why do you want to move to new york so bad? is it JUST to get away from your family?" then i said, "no but that's one of the MAIN reasons." then the travel pca said, "oh because i was gonna say that you shouldn't wanna move out there just because of that-" YOU OBVIOUSLY don't know or CARE how it feels to NOT have anyone truly concerned for your well-being when you go to an emergency room and NO ONE answers the fucking phone (EVEN WHEN YOU LEAVE MESSAGES BUT THEY'RE TOO BUSY TAKING TRIPS AND HAVING THE TIMES OF THEIR LIVES TO RETURN YOUR CALL EVER). NO.. that's NOT the ENTIRE reason but it's one of the reasons that take the most significance since that's basically the ONLY reason i can think of why people say i shouldn't move (SUPPOSED family "support".. JOE WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO TRULY MADE A FUCKING EFFORT TO CHECK ON ME LAST TIME I WENT TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM WHICH ENDED UP IN ME HAVING TO HAVE SURGERY ON MY INTESTINES AND BOWEL- NOT JUST BECAUSE HE FELT LIKE IT'D MAKE HIM LOOK GOOD OR WTF REASON). i'm not wasting more of my fucking life here in a place JUST because it's too fuckin inconvenient for people to help me live in a place where i can ACTUALLY be happy and EMPLOYED instead of being UNEMPLOYED and called a fuckin "welfare rat" by people who DEFINITELY SHOULDN'T be talking- the BOYFRIEND of my cousin- who basically condoned it and allowed the idiot to try to hack my computer many times (what goes around, comes around, dick). THERE ARE ALSO MORE OPPORTUNITIES THERE TO BE A CONSTRUCTIVE, HAPPY PERSON.. NOT JUST BECAUSE MY SAD EXCUSE OF A SUPPORT FAMILY LIVES HERE- WASTING MY POTENTIAL JUST BECAUSE IT'S FUCKING INCONVENIENT FOR THEM TO MOVE ME SOMEWHERE I CAN BE TRULY CONSTRUCTIVE AND HAPPY.. NEWSFLASH DICKS- THIS IS MY LIFE. NOT YOURS. YOU DIDN'T ALMOST FUCKING DIE AND/OR YOU OBVIOUSLY DIDN'T BUST YOUR ASS OFF TO BE TRULY AMBULATORY SO YOU WEREN'T FUCKING SENTENCED TO BE PARAPLEGIC FOR EVERYONE ELSE'S FUCKING CONVENIENCE. AND YOU DON'T KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO BE spoken to and treated like however the fuck other people who are SUPPOSED to actually CARE FEEL LIKE FUCKING TREATING YOU- JUST because treating me like a normal respected human being is unbeneficial to them. THAT GOES FOR ALL MY FAMILY (EXCEPT JOE- WHO KNOWS HOW THIS FEELS). the travel pca told me that i should look for other places besides new york to live. i think it was either her or my financial worker that came up with massachusetts. (although i was just thinking of massachusetts and i'm pretty sure brian told me to stick to ny because it was so expensive to live in massachusetts when i asked him about it over a year ago). so i'm gonna ask ics to help me look for housing resources so we can possibly look at those next trip. i brought up that the ics company has been helping me find housing in new jersey and if we could possibly look in new jersey the next trip to new york but i'm not sure how much of an impact my idea made in the conversation. so i need to look for massachusetts housing resources by the time we have our next joint telephone conversation- sometime around my birthday. i was hoping to be outta this damn state and into a new apartment in new jersey or new york BY the time of my next birthday (which is actually in two weeks and a day not counting today).. but whatever.. at least i have people helping me get out of this state now. i also forgot to mention another reason why i wanna move to another area is because i've been unemployed for AT LEAST 3 years i think and i haven't had any real help getting me employed- so i figure there probably isn't many good employers around here who are cooperative and actually diverse- not JUST when it comes to race- one who actually hires a range of different social and ethnic backgrounds and of different genders, sexual orientations, and different disabilities (even though i did JUST interview with an employer who may actually be willing to let me work..). so that's JUST ANOTHER reason why i want to move. if you're laughing at this ignorantly- try putting yourself in my shoes without any real support and mindlessly just being expected to attend this sad excuse of a rehabilition "center" who just UNDERESTIMATES your potential SO YOU JUST FUCKING WASTE YOUR TIME DOING THE SAME EASY ASS SHIT THAT DOESN'T ACTUALLY HELP YOU SO THEY CAN STUFF THEIR FUCKING POCKETS, ASSUMING YOU'RE TOO STUPID TO REALIZE THEY'RE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF YOU AND INTENTIONALLY WASTING YOUR TIME BECAUSE THEY THINK TBI=STUPID AND BEING FAILED YOUR DRIVING TEST EVERY DAMN TIME YOU TAKE IT BECAUSE THEY KNOW THAT THEY CAN TAKE ADVANTAGE OF AN UNADVOCATED CLIENT WHO IS TRULY MOTIVATED TO DO BETTER. your pretentious ass thinks you're so god damn smart but if you were REALLY as smart as you make yourself out to be- YOU'D BE EMPATHETIC ALSO. YOU WOULDN'T HAVE DIFFICULTY UNDERSTANDING HOW I REALLY FELT- NOT JUST ACCORDING TO WTF YOU THINK BECAUSE IT'S NOT YOUR LIFE WE'RE DEALING WITH HERE. stop being SELFISH and actually HELP me. and NO.. helping me does NOT equal holding me in front of you to shield you from being kicked and hit OR whining to people on the phone because you don't have anything else to do with your life, LYING about how you miss your daughter which YOU used as a shield when she was younger while her dad tried hitting and kicking you. YOU DIDN'T SEEM TO MISS ME ALL THOSE FUCKIN TIMES YOU WENT TO THE BAR TO PLAY POOL, LEAVING ME ALONE WHEN I WAS WHEELCHAIR BOUND, SO YOU WERE WHINING TO GRANDMA ABOUT HOW YOU WANTED TO GO OUT WHEN SHE FINALLY PUT HER FOOT DOWN AND MADE YOU STAY HOME. JUST STOP WITH THIS BULLSHIT OF TRYING TO KEEP ME FROM LIVING WHERE I TRULY WANT TO LIVE. YOU'RE NOT GETTING ANYTHING OUTTA IT BUT A PISSED OFF OLDER DAUGHTER WHO IS JUST GONNA STUFF YOU IN A NURSING HOME WHEN YOUR PEDOPHILE BOYFRIEND LEAVES YOU LIKE ALL YOUR OTHER DAMN BOYFRIENDS. I'M NOT GETTING ANY FUCKING YOUNGER HERE. YOU NEVER USED TO "CARE" THAT I WANTED TO MOVE TO A DIFFERENT STATE UNTIL FAT AMY MOVED IN WITH YOU. SHE DOESN'T WANT ANYONE TO BE SUCCESSFUL IF IT MAKES HER LOOK UNSUCCESSFUL BECAUSE SHE CAME FROM THE SAME WOMB AND BASICALLY THE SAME PLACES. I DID NOT SPREAD MY LEGS WHEN I WAS 12 AND I DIDN'T DROP OUT THEN. I ACTUALLY GRADUATED WITH HONORS AND I GOT MY DAMN DIPLOMA WHEELING UP ON THE PODIUM IN MY FUCKING WHEELCHAIR. I HAVE THIS THING CALLED "INTEGRITY" THAT MY MOM AND SISTER OBVIOUSLY LACK- so it's NOT my mom who i got the integrity from.. wonder if it was my dad.. hm..

i hate getting stuck on things..

so i thought i had everything straight with my housing account (because it keeps telling me that i have an error "There is a new income-related question. Navigate to ‘My Household’ then select ‘Edit Household Details.’ The new question is located at the end of the Household Details questions." on the assets category). i'm PRETTY SURE brian helped me with this a while ago and i don't have him assisting me now- so i need to bring it up to the new lady taking care of my account later when i have a conference call with her and the pca who will be accompanying me on my next trip to new york later when we have that conference call because i somehow doubt that ics can assist me with this because i'm pretty sure i brought it up to them one other time and housing connect was SUPPOSED to be calling me back.. i didn't receive any calls from them though. i'm not sure though.. because i just edited my profile household members and answered all the questions, it still said "Household details incomplete." though- "your application will NOT be considered for any lotteries if your profile is incomplete." i don't know.. i may have to just ask my travel pca about this. on the topic of people telling me they'd call me, i am just thinking back to my interview yesterday and the guy said i should look for a follow-up call and if i didn't get the call- that's too bad. although i'm pretty sure he wouldn't have gone outta his way to say that if they weren't planning to call me (i don't know though- maybe he's a weird person who gets people's hopes up or something..). so THOSE are the things i'm stuck with right now.

another interview in the books!

i just got back from the interview i had with goodwill. it went well in my opinion. the guy who was interviewing me described the job and asked me if i thought i could do the things he described and i said i could except if there was anything heavy to carry- i'd probably need something to help me lift it and he said that if they have heavy things people can't lift- they always help each other, so i shouldn't worry about that. the main thing that people MAY have problems with is the length of time it takes to get there. it's like 20 minutes.. maybe a little more but the guy who i was interviewing with told me that he was from st. paul too and it doesn't matter- as long as you can get to the job on time, they don't worry about it. so hopefully that's not an issue with them deciding to hire me. i said, "oh. i don't PERSONALLY have problems with it- i was just worrying about other people at this job thinking i could or couldn't work." then he said, "nah.. i live in st. paul also and they don't care as long as you can get here and work- they're fine." i hope he doesn't think that I have any issues with it- i'm just thinking that may have been a reason why previous jobs i applied to wouldn't hire me. so that's another interview in the books.. it went well, in my opinion but i just may be foolishly optimistic because i got that same feeling about just about every other previous interview i had and they always said they found more qualified applicants/decided to go a different direction. i'm the kind of person who always has to be constructive- so just sitting around will more than likely just lead to trouble. that IS a warning to certain people. when i ran away to new york is PROOF and it just lead to trouble. reason why i want to be somewhere where SOMETHING is ALWAYS going on because my brain will just get me in trouble again outta boredum. if you're laughing at this- you're a selfish ass who just figures they know EVERYTHING when they DON'T know a damn thing about anything and there's a good chance you're gonna lose your position in life with me. i HAVE had several conversations with different people about switching your position in "advocacy" to me too- seeing as you're never there for me. that includes this most recent surgery i had. i made sure i called YOU and your mom and was forced to leave voice mails for both of you (to NO REPLY or response). the only family members who checked on me was joe and jessiy asked me what was wrong with me. i see how IMPORTANT i AM (or should i say how important i'm NOT?) to you. family don't mean SHIT these days.

still no work..

i just had my 60-day meeting with my job coach and her supervisor. my job coach told him that i've been getting interviews and still trying to get hired. her supervisor recommended making a cover letter (which we made before she just left). i had THOUGHT that her supervisor had tried to reassure me that we'll get me working by today (whether it's customized employment or a test-job type of thing where the employer would let me try working for so long and decide if they wanna hire me). with my recent requests for interviews lately- the supervisor wasn't sure if we needed to try customized employment or the test-job thing. i'm not sure if my job coach influenced him because i know she wasn't a fan of the customized employment idea but i'm really not sure. i just wanna get working as soon as possible. i have an interview with goodwill later today and i need to leave by 1:30. so i'm gonna quick eat now, so i can be ready for it.